Like most of us, I was stunned yesterday to learn of the tragic death of former Los Angeles Laker basketball star Kobe Bryant in a helicopter crash along with his daughter and seven other persons. I watched the television as I saw numerous people who knew him express their upset, some very emotionally, such as Magic Johnson, Jerry West, and Doc Rivers. What initially appeared more remarkable was viewing numerous individuals who never met Kobe expressing their feelings of sadness, grief, and mourning. Large groups of persons who never met him gathered in downtown Los Angeles to share their grief with one another. What’s going on here? If you are one of the people feeling grief who never met Kobe Bryant, are you crazy to have those feelings? The answer is an emphatic no. And Kobe Bryant is hardly the first celebrity to die in your or my lifetime. I am very aware of where I was when, among other celebrities, I learned of the deaths of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and political/religious leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King, Senator Robert Kennedy, and President Kennedy.
So why is it that we are so affected by the deaths of these and other celebrities? Social science experts offer a range of explanations, for some of which I am indebted to Shira Gabriel’s article on why people mourn celebrities from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology:
1. Celebrities sometimes feel like our friends: This is what is called the role of parasocial bonds One reason we feel sad when bad things happen to celebrities is because they feel like our friends. Parasocial bonds are "one-way" relationships with celebrities; many people feel strongly connected to athletes, movie and television stars, popular musicians, news broadcasters, on-air meteorologists, and others even though no true interaction occurs. Believe it or not, parasocial bonds are actually pretty normal. Many of us have them. Even though we know logically that Kobe Bryant is not really our “friend”, we feel as if we are because we see him so often and have much information about him. That can be handy when they accomplish great things and we can feel proud of and connected to them. But it also means that when they get sick or die we grieve them much like we would a real friend.
2. Celebrities are tied to a younger time for us: This is the role of nostalgia. We might feel grief not because of a parasocial bond but rather because of nostalgia. People become important to us because of their connection to an earlier time in our lives. When they die, we can feel like we’ve lost a part of our life.
3 Celebrities dying remind us of our own mortality. We may also be upset by the deaths of celebrities because their deaths remind us of our own mortality. Terror management theory argues that we all have a fear of dying that we mostly deal with by not thinking about it. But when something pushes our own mortality into our minds, it can be unpleasant. When someone as young and vibrant as Kobe Bryant dies, it is natural to think of how we may die. I found it even more striking that Kobe had tweeted congratulations to Laker player Lebron James just the evening before for passing him in scoring record and less than 24 hours later was dead. It reminds us of how fragile life is and that can be terrifying.
4 Celebrities dying remind us that even special people die: In social psychology, experts call this the role of self-serving biases We may also react to the deaths of celebrities because they challenge our self-serving biases. A great deal of research in psychology suggests that most people desperately want to believe that the world is safe and predictable. That desire leads us to develop inaccurate views of the world so we can feel better about our lives. Many unpleasant events disrupt that view as I have written about before including traumatic reactions to disasters, mass shootings, etc. The death of a celebrity makes us realize that, if these awful things can happen to famous people, then we are at risk too. Celebrity deaths shake us up because they threaten the self-serving illusions that help make us feel secure and invulnerable.
5. Public grieving for celebrities allows us to express ourselves: Another reason people may mourn for celebrities is grief signaling. In other words, we may mourn celebrities because doing so can signal to others that we are committed to a particular group, cause, or identity. Dr. Cory Clark of Durham University pointed out that by publicly mourning the death of celebrities we let other people (maybe our Facebook friends, Twitter followers, or co-workers) know that we are devoted members of the “tribe” who knew and admired the celebrity’s cultural contributions. We thus communicate our group membership and good taste. We are able to connect with a large group of other people, at least temporarily. This is what was happening with the large groups gathering in public areas of Los Angeles, setting up memorials, and likely sharing the funeral service.
So are you crazy to feel grief over the death of Kobe Bryant? Not at all. There are many reasons. People mourn celebrities because: they feel a parasocial connection with the celebrities so their death feels like the loss of a friend; their death disrupts a link to our earlier years; their death makes us more aware of our own mortality; the passing of famous people makes us realize that we are not special enough to escape illness and death; and mourning celebrity deaths allows us to signal to others that we are a part of a certain group or have certain values.
Be mindful that times such as these are stressful. If you would like information about managing stress in your lives, please read our book (I Can’t Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. For additional information about the authors, book, and stress, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com.
Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information on these and related topics, please visit my website at www.successandmindset.com