What can you do or say to help your teen deal with stress or express concerns about marijuana use? There are some proactive tips to set the communication patterns before any discussion about stress/problems and/or marijuana use.
1. Communicate early and often. Don’t wait until there is a problem you need to work out with your teen. Teens learn to fear and avoid the problem oriented discussions. Rather, check in regularly and often to discuss their day, what they are thinking, what they are feeling. If you don’t make basic communication something special and reserved only for problems, your teen will be more likely to bring problems to you.
2. Don’t focus only on bad issues. A clear memory I had was of presenting my 10th year high school grades, replete with “A”s on all subjects except for one “B”. Alas, my mother focused only on that one grade and had me come off varsity basketball so I could do more work on the supposedly “poor” grade. Parents mean well but it’s not always how it’s perceived.
3. Putting too much pressure on success. If parents convey the message that if their teen fails in any way, this is unacceptable, there will be problems. You likely are raising a young person who will have a significant fear of failure and may limit their efforts toward more easily achievable outcomes. Acknowledge successes but be sure they hear more from you.
4. Let your teen try to handle problems on their own. I know parents want to be helpful and protective. However, teens need to learn to handle and solve problems on their own. Be available for discussion per the first three tips but let them try to handle the issue on their own.
So, what are you to do if you think your teen is using marijuana? First, know and watch out for the physical and psychological signs of marijuana use. These can include red eyes, forgetfulness, dizziness and headaches, laughter for no apparent reason, nausea or vomiting, feelings of panic or anxiety, or hallucinations. Behavioral signs likely will include changes in school, family, and personal relationships and performance.
How do you communicate with your teen if you have reason to believe that they are using marijuana based on the information above? The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids offers some helpful tips:
1. Wait until the teen is sober to talk.
2. Check your hostility. It won’t work. Calm yourself first. Rather, explain your concerns in a nonthreatening way that conveys your motive to talk comes from a positive place.
3. Have some evidence based on signs/symptoms/behaviors above to understand and convey the basis of your concerns. This will help deal with any of the teen’s tendency to denial.
4. Have some potential resolutions to offer. These can include:
a. Be clear that drug use will not be tolerated and what consequences will follow, such as grounding or earlier curfew. Then be prepared to follow through with the consequences to be taken seriously.
b. Provide opportunities to re-establish the trust, such as supervising homework or chores and be sure to recognize what is done well.
c. Involve and be responsive to the teen’s efforts to change behavior. Punishment alone can damage the parent and child relationship. Go back to the earlier tips on communicating before there are problems.
d. Consider contacting the parents if a friend is involved. This helps convey the message that drug use will not be tolerated; it may help the other parents to assist their own teen; and it establishes communication between parents around drug use.
Drug use in a family can be emotionally distressing. Be mindful that professional help is available if needed. There are mental health professionals specialized in substance use issues with youth. There also are rehabilitation programs in which family participation is critical in addition to individual/group therapy and educational programs.
Now what if you are saying “Well, isn’t marijuana legal and how bad are the effects?” If you are asking this, or if your teen says that to you, please see my recent post on The Stress of Marijuana Use and the Teenage Brain. I think you will find it informative. If you need help dealing with your feelings of stress, please acquire our book on stress (I Can’t Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. For more information about the book, authors, and other information on stress, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com.
There is hope. Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For additional information on these and related topics, please see my website at www.successandmindset.com