Every parent wants their child to experience success. Success breeds success. Haven't we all heard that phrase? But what does it really mean, particularly in a contemporary environment of brain training? In some earlier posts I mentioned the work of Dr. Earl Miller of MIT on how our brain responds to successful outcomes (he used monkeys). We learned that successful experiences, even small ones, trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure. What about learning from our mistakes? We hear that a lot too and very often so do our children. They hear about mistakes from parents, teachers, coaches, peers, etc. Well, in the same study by Dr. Miller, mistakes teach us what not to do but not what to do. As Blair Singer, trainer and advisor to Rich Dad Robert Kiyosaki notes, we should spend less time on strengthening our weaknesses but rather building on our strengths. Even more critically, the absence of success with no apparent mistake leaves us unsure with relatively little learning taking place at all. Therefore, for yourself and for your children, focus on successes, even small ones, and brain dopamine will help solidify the learning. I'm not saying to ignore your or your children’s mistakes but rather to focus on the successes and help yourself and them to do more of what got you to the successes. It's brain science and good life practice. From a brain perspective, successes interfere with stress elevation in the form of increased cortisol, a stress hormone. If you want to learn more about stress and it's role in your life, please see our book (I Can't Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn't Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.) available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. For more information about the book and authors as well as other information on stress management in your life, please consult our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com.
For now, here are five actions you can take in your life and foster in your children:
1. Look to experience success, not to learn from mistakes. Focus on examining your success and try out what you think worked to get that success again. If you must discuss mistakes, emphasize what was correct so you or your child can begin to head in a successful direction.
2. Attend to your mindset. Don't allow negativity to dominate. If you do, you'll be stimulating more cortisol, which interferes with successful thinking. You or your child will become more frustrated and make more mistakes. Take a break if you must and come back with a new perspective.
3. Practice. Actually, that was my piano teacher's favorite word. When you practice the same behavior which resulted in success, you build stronger neural pathways. Focus on what you get right, ignore what you get wrong.
4. Celebrate. Celebrate wins and ignore mistakes unless your failure can be harmful. As Blair Singer mentions from a Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) perspective, celebrating wins anchors them in our brain.
5. Give positive feedback. This is what you can do with and for others. Notice what significant others in your life to include your children do which is right and let them know as soon as possible. They too will benefit from the dopamine boost. Be as consistent as you can with this.
So notice your and your children’s successes and repeat them. Then indeed success will breed success. Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information on these and related topics, please see my website at www.successandmindset.com