So we just celebrated Father’s Day. For the fathers among us, I hope you had a great day. However, it’s back to the grind for most today. That involves going to work, handling the stresses of the day, and returning home to your place of sanctuary. However, it doesn’t always work out that way. There may be family issues to handle, emergencies to manage, conflicts to help resolve. Stress increases to the point where pressures build and symptoms emerge, e.g. headaches, explosions of anger, depression and discouragement, sleeplessness, or just living with emotional pain.
Eliminating stressors in your life is not possible. However, how you handle them is critical to your well being and that of your family. If you need more information broadly on stress management, please consult our book (I Can’t Take It Anymore; How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. If you want more information about the book, authors, or stress, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com. For now, I am indebted to Wayne Parker of liveabout.com for his recent article on A Father’s Guide to Managing Stress at Home.
Here are eight ways in which fathers (mothers and youth too!) can better handle the stresses in their lives:
1.Set aside some family downtime. Despite all the work and busyness of the average day, make some time for the family. For the younger children, telling bedtime stories and reading to them can be a way to relax and reduce stress. For the older children, asking about their day and really listening also can induce more calmness. As was mentioned in the article noted, family rituals like family prayer, cuddle time in bed with the family and Saturday morning breakfasts can be important times for both building relationships and reducing stress.
2. Make time to talk. It is common that stress at home is the result of failed communications. So make sure you talk with your partner and your family regularly. You might want to plan a weekly family night so you can deal with problems before they happen. A family therapist has said that the best advice for strong marriages was to set aside 30 minutes each night after the children so that the parents can talk together – no television, no smartphones, and no computer – just talk.
3.Remember good nutrition and regular exercise. As we write about in our book and spend parts of two chapters, make time for healthy eating and physical activity. Proper nutrition will give you good fuel to burn and exercise makes your body more efficient. Eating junk food and sitting in front of the computer all day will tend to make you tired and irritable. This will result in increased personal and family stress levels.
4.Make time for you. In addition to all your family obligations, be sure to look out for yourself too. Find a favorite hobby, activity, or volunteer endeavor in which to participate as it allows you to grow and builds you well being. Just watching television, surfing the internet, or catching up on social media for the evening does not help you. Find what you like to do and what relaxes you. If you can involve other family members, all the better.
5.Get some physical activity. In our book we write about the power of exercise and physical activity as a stress reducer. Your body releases endorphins and they naturally improve your mood. So go out and work in the yard, work out at home or in a gym. The more activity you do the better you will handle stressors.
6.Find ways to improve yourself. In the article noted, author Stephen Covey referred to this as sharpening the saw. If we do not take time to learn something and/or improve ourselves, we become dull and less productive, like the wood cutter who never took time to sharpen the saw. Take time to improve yourself in some way in four areas: mental, spiritual, emotional/social and physical. Covey says that spending one hour in these pursuits will be a powerful investment in the other 23 hours of the day.
7.Learn to say no. I have worked with so many individuals who have a difficult time saying no. They overcommit, feel pressured, and experience stress symptoms. As noted in the article, many of the stress factors in our family come from over-programming our time and lives. Consider prioritizing by saying no to the less important activities. To do that effectively, you have to define what is important and commit to that, and then say no to everything else. The article refers to world renowned Pastor Joel Osteen, a favorite of mine, who has a church in Texas to which 40,000 parishioners come weekly. Pastor Osteen has found that he has to say no to weddings and funerals, and to any other events on Wednesdays and Sundays. Obviously, Sunday is the day he preaches. Wednesday is his day with God and his family first. He is a great example of practicing what he preaches and putting first things first. Consider doing something similar for yourself.
8.Laugh and find the humor in life. I have found this one of the best ways to handle stress and anxiety. So many of our felt stresses come from taking oneself and situation too seriously. Yes, there are indeed some serious life events. However, so many times just finding an outlet to laugh can help. While the article mentions another show, I sometimes find it hilarious to watch a rerun of the television comedy 227. My wife and I watch it and feel better for doing so. Years ago, writer Norman Cousins literally cured himself of a life threatening cancer by putting himself on a diet of old comedy shows. Like exercise, laughter triggers powerful positive endorphins in the brain. So take some time to laugh. It’s not frivolous. Consider it part of your prescription for a less stressful life.
If you should need help, reach out and get it. Talk to a trusted minister or counselor. Take advantage of an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work. Find a father’s support group. Find a mental health professional. Don’t take it out on yourself in the form of stress related symptoms. Certainly don’t take it out on your family.. Regular outbursts, abusive behavior, loss of control, unchecked depression or anxiety, substance abuse, all are signs that you may need emotional help.
Your family is a precious asset in your life. Don’t allow poorly managed stresses to interfere with that. Consider the eight ways described above.
Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information on these and related topics, please consult my website at www.successandmindset.com