I have been writing this month on teens and stress. During the last two posts, I reviewed causes of stress as well as symptoms of stress in teens. While I was planning to write on intervention strategies, two related events in the news occurred this week and I decided to write on a different topic. One event was a study from the American Psychological Association. In that study, it was noted that rates of depression, psychological distress, and suicidal thoughts have increased significantly in the last 10-12 years for young people under the age of 26. Also, symptoms associated with major depression rose 52% in adolescents ages 12-17 years. The second event was the news of the college admissions scandal in which parents of financial means fraudulently obtained admission of their children to colleges via submitting or obtaining false test scores as well as fabricating athletic accomplishments.

Given the already noted increasing rates of depression, distress, and suicidality in teens, a salient issue emerges. In fact, it was the title of a piece in the Huffington Post for 3/15/19 by Lindsay Holmes, i.e. “We can’t talk about the college admissions scandal without discussing mental health”. Beyond the alleged criminality of the parents’ behavior, the author highlighted the increasing pressures on young adults to be successful. Sometimes this pressure is self imposed, sometimes imposed by parents. In fact, the author noted past research indicating that perfectionism increases a person’s risk for depression, particularly when for teens the pressure comes from the parents. Ms. Holmes cited an excellent article by Dr. Lynn Margolies from 2016 In PsychCentral titled “The Paradox of Pushing Kids to Succeed”. Dr. Margolies observed that our teens are embedded in a culture driven by competition and success, where success is defined by status, performance, and appearance. The author explained that we often are failing to recognize and foster in teens the capacities associated with success. Instead of grades, acceptances in prestigious colleges, or inflated self-esteem, there are other capacities worth fostering and correlated with life success. These include psychological capacities of optimism, curiosity, a sense of oneself as capable, and the ability to manage negative emotions and handle obstacles. As noted by Dr. Margolies, these psychological capacities develop when parents give teens space by being present, responsive, and interested - rather than reactive, controlling or preoccupied. Excessive parental concern about teen success leads parents to be overinvolved and intrusive, such as what has happened in the admissions scandal. What are such parents teaching their teens about integrity, personal accomplishment, and the teens’ own sense of capability and self mastery? Probably not much. Continuing to pressure teens to avoid failure and stepping in to make sure they don’t can influence their children far more negatively than most parents realize.

In the Holmes’ article, Dr. Victor Schwartz of the Jed Foundation observed that “The intense competition for academic achievement, or the appearance of achievement, and resume building have arguably taken time away from social skills and connection-building activities like joining clubs, intramural sports, and even just spending time playing or daydreaming. These all can feed a sense of anxiety and despair in many young people”. It is worth noting that such concerns go beyond that subset of parents/teens caught up in the admissions scandal. Before you say that this only applies to the parents in the admissions scandal, take a look at yourself. These societal trends and pressures apply to most teens and parents at this time in our society. Just look back at the data on depression, distress, and suicidality.

There clearly is indication that the performance pressure being placed on teens today places them at risk for many negative consequences. Besides depression, these include anxiety disorders, alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, recklessness and risky behavior, and feelings of emptiness and self-doubt.

In the Margolies article, she noted recommendations for parents to lessen the likelihood of the negative consequences of pressures to achieve and succeed. Some of the Do’s include:

Encourage teens to make their own choices while helping them think through consequences.
Be curious about what makes them happy.
Be aware of trying to stay with your teen’s negative emotion versus trying to rescue them or being reactive.
Be aware of ways you may shame or punish perceived failure

Some of the Don’ts include:

Use money or excessive rewards for good grades (blocks internal motivation)
Shame or punish teens for their performance
Make academic or other decisions for your teen without involving them.
Be intrusive and micromanage grades on tests.
Use fear to motivate
Lecture them.
Rescue them from non-dangerous natural consequences.

The combination of the news about increased mental health issues in teens and the implications of the college admissions scandal should alert parents to attend to the possible consequences of their day to day behavior and encourage them to re-focus on and foster adaptive capabilities in their teens. These include helping them learn, as mentioned earlier, how to handle challenges and obstacles. These commonly are referred to as stressful events. If you need more information on stress, what it is, and how to manage it, please see our book (I Can’t Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. For other information about the book, authors, and other information on stress, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com.

Nobody ever said parenting was easy but it can be done well. Best of luck on your journey.

Dr. Paul Longobardi

For information on these and related topics, please visit my website at www.successandmindset.com