Many adults forget how stressful life can be for children and teenagers. In fact, recent surveys have indicated that children and teens have reported over a 40% increase in felt stress in the last two decades characterized by increased worry over the situations in their lives. At one level, difficult situations are a part of life. They usually rise to the level of perceived stress when we feel unable to handle them and begin to experience the cognitive, emotional, and physical manifestations of the stress response identified by Hans Selye decades ago. We discuss all aspects of the stress response in our book (I Can’t Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.) available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. For more information about the authors, book, and other information on stress management, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com.
Causes of stress in the young often center around school to include increased expectations for them to cope on their own without their parents, demanding schedules, new schools, and money concerns. Many of these challenges are time limited and tolerable as our youth take the opportunities to learn and practice healthy coping responses. Normal stressors can include making new friends, taking exams, moving from one school/neighborhood to another. Generally, the anxiety surrounding these more normal stressors reduces when the situation changes. However, sometimes more severe and lasting stress responses follow issues of parental conflict and divorce as well as bullying whether in person or in cyberspace. Toxic childhood stress responses can occur when the young person is exposed to prolonged stressful events without adequate adult support. In fact, in my clinical work I too often have observed parents including children in their marital conflicts and monetary challenges. It is vital for parents to be mindful not to do this as this is not your child’s stressor, it is yours. Leave them out of it.
People do not respond to stressors in the same way. However, what we feel leads to a body reaction. As one of my former professors noted, “There is no such thing as unexpressed resentment”. Our emotions are expressed one way or another, often in the form of adverse physical reactions.
So what can youth themselves as well as parents do to help reduce prolonged and toxic stress reactions? For parents, you can become a good listener and source of support as well as to adhere to the admonition above to leave youth out of your issues except perhaps to model good coping and communication. Young people can be very emotionally labile given the physiological changes occurring for them. They often tend to catastrophize about setbacks sometimes even minor ones. Help them reframe their cognitive reactions, keep events in perspective, and learn from their challenges. It has been said that “Every event is an opportunity for growth when looked at from the perspective of self development”. Encourage youth to connect to a support group. Even young children can and have been taught to incorporate proper breathing and mindfulness approaches to reduce their felt stress and anxiety. Children and teens desperately seek to belong and need support and acceptance from their peers. Encourage involvement in activities where they can learn social and communicational skills. Foster regular exercise practices as well as following a healthy diet. Don’t forget to see that they get an adequate night’s sleep of at least 7-8 hours. There is abundant research evidence consistent with the observation that children and teens need more sleep while growing and developing. Actually, in other posts I have written on the recommendations some professionals have made to start the school day later to accommodate the need for youth to sleep.
Youth does not have to be a time of severe and toxic stress. It can be a time of learning, fun, and socializing. It can be a time where young people learn that life’s challenges are normal and can be experienced without undue emotional reaction. It can be a time where we empower them to learn how to cope adaptively with all life’s events and increase their sense of coping and mastery. Let’s all do what we can do to maximize their positive experience.
Good luck in your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For additional information on these and related topics, please see my website at www.successandmindset.com