Right now the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) teachers are striking over multiple issues to include pay and classroom size. However, less noted are issues of school personnel shortages such as nurses and psychologists. Why would we need more school psychologists you ask? Well, I think any follower of the news has seen and been concerned by the spate of school violence and shootings. Other commentators have noted youth bad behavior in sports to include everything from disrespecting coaches and taunting to physical altercations with other players and fans. Dr. Andrew Yellen, a sports psychologist and former high school football coach, recommended parents demand accountability. According to Dr. Yellen, parents often respond, "But they won't like me", to which Dr. Yellen said "It's insane, what you do is, there's a reward, and if you don't there's a consequence". The bottom line was that the author recommended more strictness from school personnel since "not everybody has the self-control or self-confidence to walk away and use that memory as motivation at an appropriate time".
Now I have no argument with such commentators as far as it goes. Accountability and standard setting certainly are helpful. But have we gone far enough? I don't think so. In that telling last sentence by Dr. Yellen, the issues of self-control and self-confidence were invoked. We hear daily of a litany of poorly controlled behaviors whether in sports or everyday life. Professional athletes are criticized, sanctioned, and prosecuted for many behaviors including hurting others on and off the field. Road rage is all but a new psychiatric diagnosis, bullying in schools and on the internet is rampant, and numerous reality shows highlight the overreaction of the participants when confronted with emotional stresses. Is it not likely that the common themes for these behavioral overreactions are the thoughts people have about themselves and others?
What actually is the foundation on which is built your own degree of self-control and self-confidence? Based on modern cognitive therapy, I would contend it is the series of thoughts and beliefs we have over our lives about our experiences which coalesce into the core beliefs which guide our reactions to specific situations. So, for example, when my 6’6” high school basketball Coach Harry glared at me and told me I was not playing good defense and took me out of the game to sit on the bench, I had several ways to react based on my thoughts, i.e. what I say to myself. One reaction was to tell myself that the coach's feedback may or may not be true, he is in charge, I often play better, and I'll get back in at some point. The result: unlikely that I will become highly upset. However, in reaction two, I tell myself that the coach has insulted me, denigrated my self worth, and that I can't stand it (which is unlikely the coach was saying anyway). Then, the probable result is high upset and distress. If such beliefs as in reaction two have been reinforced and/or encouraged in me by parents or others, my distressed reaction and likely "bad behavior" is increased even more (P.S. I chose reaction one and got back into the game a little later with more defensive success). I and my co-author discuss these issues at length in our book (I Can’t Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. If you want to know more about the authors and book as well as other information on stress, you can visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com.
So what is the moral of this story? It is that people's emotional reactions and behaviors can be predicted by listening to how they explain setbacks to themselves, whether they are young or old. This finding has been observed in research studies on predicting salesperson behavior, which frequently involves setbacks and rejection. But what about young people?
There always is more than one possible conclusion to make about something unpleasant which has happened. However, all too often you may not examine the possibilities and tell yourself a thought far less catastrophic. Instead, it is not uncommon for us to regularly conclude that because a setback has occurred must mean that you are not good, not capable, are being insulted, or can't stand it (which you can even if you don't like it). Such thoughts lead to the conclusion that you must retaliate verbally or physically. Maybe we should be teaching our youth how to overcome limiting/negative/catastrophic thoughts which lead to overreaction and produce problems for them in life in all areas such as work, sports, family, and interpersonal relationships. Do we not owe this to them? Don't we try to teach them everything else? How about some ways of thinking to handle setbacks/disappointments/frustrations without rage, physical assaults, or verbal attacks? At least in the area of sports, as the author of a recent LA Times article indicated, "it might be better to hire a sports psychologist to figure out what's going on instead of hiring more school police?" Might that not be true of LAUSD as well?
I think it's time we teach our youth, if not ourselves as well, how to overcome limiting thoughts leading to overreactions. As always, change your thoughts and change your results.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For more information on these and related topics, please see my website at www.successandmindset.com