The title of this post is part of the title of my co-authored book on stress. It is one of the frequently cited complaints of patients and clients I consult, to include: "I'm so stressed out"; and "I'm overwhelmned and can't handle it". I was watching part of an episode of the show "My 600 pound life" several days ago and was struck by two things. One was how frequently the lady in the show made such statements. The other was how long it took to refer her to a counselor where she began to receive some help for past developmental traumas that included sexual abuse. It got me thinking about how we manage our own life demands, whether large or small. How much stress is too much?
We all know that each of us is unique with a set of life experiences which may help or hinder us in managing life stresses. For example, it did not help the lady on the show to have had her past traumas as part of her desire to lose weight. However, there are other factors which affect our vulnerability to stress. These include our personality, hardiness, self-efficacy, and core beliefs about events (attributions).
1. Type A & Type B Personality. Over four decades ago, cardiologists Friedman and Rosenman described two personality types with differing proneness to risk for heart attack. The person with a Type A personality is competitive, wants to be recognized, seeks development and advancement, looks to achieve goals and tends to rush in order to finish tasks. Does this sound like anyone you know? On the other hand, the person with Type B personality was opposite to that of the Type A person. It's not that the Type B person has no motivation but rather is described as calm, relaxed and non-competitive. In a longitudinal study with males, the cardiologists found that there was far greater incidence of heart attack in the Type A group. Individuals classified as Type B managed stress better than Type A persons. Many stress management programs include components to help individuals become more calm and relaxed, such as the Type B group.
2. Hardiness. It is well known that part of the negative stress response involves a feeling of loss of control over your world, whether personal or work. People described as "hardy" have been found to have three characteristics: 1) Control - you see yourself in charge of your world and not the reverse; 2) Commitment - you confront problems and won't stop until you solve them; and 3) Challenge - you see change in your life not as a threat but rather as a challenge. In studies of people divided into "hardy" and "non-hardy", results have shown that the hardy groups were less frequently ill and responded to stressors in a more positive way. Do you employ the three C's in your world in coping with life's stressors?
3. Self-Efficacy. This term was used by Dr. Albert Bandura whose work I studied as a graduate student. Self-efficacy refers to a person's tendency to perceive a sense of control in a stressful situation. Instead of saying "I can't handle this", the self-efficacious person has a history of experiences leading them to feel able to confront stress situations more positively and say "I am able to handle stress and I can handle this one as well". This all has to do with your internal beliefs. If you have low self-efficacy, you are more likely to have more negative feelings under stress and manage events less well. Would you describe your view of self in stress situations as one of self-efficacy?
4. Core beliefs. These are similar to the concept of self-efficacy but more broad in terms of your life. Core beliefs are your more general beliefs about your likeability and capability in many areas of your life. Your beliefs enable or limit you. They create a negative reaction to stress or limit the negative reaction. If your view of you is one of self-doubt and self-deprecation, you will have a more difficult time dealing with a challenge such as an illness, relationship problem, or work demand. Are you able to question your negative or limiting beliefs? If so, you will manage your stressors more positively.
We all have a capacity to change. Numerous studies have shown that even under the most stressful circumstances, the physiological manifestations of stress (hypercortisol levels, for example) can be changed by manipulating the psychological context of the stress and the attributes given it by you. These include personality, hardiness, self-efficacy, and core beliefs. So how much stress is too much? As you can see, it is not a simple answer and varies by individuals. However, you can handle more than you might have thought using some of the ideas above. How well are you doing? Stress is a choice. You may not be able to avoid a stressful event but you can change your response to it in a more positive way. If you would like more detailed information about managing stress in your life, consider acquiring our book (I Can't Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn't Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/ 1542458056 . If you would like more information about the authors and book, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com
Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information on this and other topics, please visit my website at www.successandmindset.com.