Recently, I was thinking. What kind of view of yourself and your world might you develop if you had to drop out of school at age 11 years and go to work selling snacks and homemade trinkets to local tourists? And to make matters worse, if you did not make enough money, your parents would shout at you and berate you. I was intrigued by a recent article in the Los Angeles Times of April 4, 2016 by Shashank Bengali titled "Surf girls fight cultural tide". In the article, that scenario is exactly the world of many young girls in the conservative southern section of Bangladesh. In the article, we learn of the world of young Bangladeshi girls who all too often see little future for themselves. However, in the article, we learn of how several girls become acquainted with a young surfer and gradually expand their world to learn how to surf. This occurs despite the protests of parents and negative judgments of others in their village.
As their instructor said, "The girls' parents want them to work. We have to convince them that they can have a future outside the house". One 14 year old young girl profiled in the story said, "My life before was making jewelry at home, work, sleep, making jewelry, work, sleep. When I started surfing, I began thinking about my dreams. Now I think there are lots of things I want to do". For one of the girls profiled, she became proficient enough at surfing to enter and place third in a competition, winning $40, the equivalent of two months' salary as a housekeeper.
I spend much time clinically and in consultation working with clients who doubt the possibility that they can know and be more than they are currently. In a land of so much opportunity, they doubt themselves incessantly and limit trying new things even when there are no obstacles other than in their minds and beliefs. How much more difficult is it for these young girls to overcome societal, parental, and economic challenges to dream of and accomplish something more for themselves?
Now I do not mean to criticize anyone as I know the suffering and inner turmoil caused by limiting thoughts and beliefs. Rather, it is to be encouraging so that if you observe what the young Bangladeshi girls did with so many obstacles on so many levels, you may be more confident to make changes in your own life.
However, to do so, there is a four step process to be followed for mindset change:
1. Notice what you are thinking and saying to yourself. Particularly notice what you say when something goes wrong in your life or work. This really is the first and biggest challenge because we think so often of our thoughts as "automatic". In fact, the godfather of cognitive therapy, Dr. Aaron Beck, referred to the thoughts behind what we say as "automatic thoughts" and noticed these in his patients though the patients never verbalized them. The Bangladeshi girls noticed that they were telling themselves that they could have no dreams or hope for anything better in their lives.
2. Once you've noticed what you are saying to yourself, ask yourself the following three questions. Is this thought helping me feel better about myself? Is this thought helping me get along better with others? Is this thought helping me get along better in my world? If the answer to any one or more of these questions is no, then it's time to move on to step three. The Bangladeshi girls likely recognized that their world was limited by their views, particularly when they came into contact with something (surfing) at odds with their view that they could accomplish nothing.
3. Challenge the validity of your thought. Could you prove it in court to a judge and jury? Are you really a "screw up all the time"? Is "nothing good ever happens for me" really true? Are you really a "failure" at all you try? Most often it's a matter of overgeneralizing from one event to all. No one is "always" anything, least of all the negative outcome of your thoughts. At some point, the Bangladeshi girls had to decide that their limiting thought might not be as true as they thought or they would not have started surfing.
4. Develop a plan to keep track of the alternative to your biggest problematic or limiting thought. For example, if you are inclined to say that "Nothing good ever happens for me", then keep track of some of the good (perhaps small) things so as to counterract your negative or limiting thought. The Bangladeshi girls developed a plan to do some surfing in the morning while still doing their selling chores the rest of the day. Their world view had been enlarged.
As we have seen, mindset change is possible anywhere and anytime. Of course, sometimes the limitations have been longer lasting and more problematic in life for you. In such cases, know that help is available from mental health professionals. Yet, change your thoughts and change your results is never bad advice. Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information on these and related topics, please see my website at www.successandmindset.com.