There is little in life that brings us more pleasure or pain than the nature of our relationships. If they are unhealthy, they interfere with your well being, fulfillment, and enjoyment of life. Bad relationships can affect your health and your brain. Relationships influence your long-term health in ways every bit as powerful as adequate sleep, a good diet, and not smoking. There are numerous research studies noting that people who have satisfying relationships with family and friends are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer.
Poor relationships and limited social connectedness is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality. There is much scientific investigation into the biological factors that account for the health benefits of connecting with others. For example, healthy relationships have been found to help relieve harmful levels of stress, which can adversely affect coronary arteries, insulin regulation, and the immune system. Another line of research suggests that positive relationships reduce the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
When we are in healthy relationships, our brain sends messages that help us feel calm and vibrant. These brain messages traverse key neural pathways. They include our dopamine reward pathways and the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, an area stimulated when we enhance our relaxation through such strategies as meditation. When we are cut off from others, these neural connections are less able to function and we often suffer irritability, anger, depression, and chronic physical illness. However, when we feel well connected to others the neural pathways receive the stimulation they need and we feel more calm, confident, healthy, and productive.
The dopamine system becomes associated with the good feelings and healthy relationships we initially have, such as with our parents as infants. However, if that system becomes disrupted secondary to poor relationships, then people often seek out other ways to stimulate the dopamine system, such as substance abuse, gambling, or excessive spending. Nonetheless, you can strengthen those healthy pathways through awareness and improving your relationships.
So, can you think of a relationship in your life that needs to be improved? Most of us have at least one such relationship. Here are a few keys to successfully relating to others and helping your brain:
1. Learn to give people what they need rather than what you need. Not everyone responds to situations the same way we do. Your and my perspectives are different from others. Take the time to find out what the other person wants in the relationship.
2. Engage in relational reflections. From time to time, reflect on and think of a positive moment in a relationship you have or had. What this does is help you activate the healthy dopamine neural pathways I mentioned earlier and diminish the activation of the stress systems.
3. Restructure your brain and refresh. As I have noted numerous times, and as made famous in Napoleon Hill's book "Think and Grow Rich", we become what we think about most of the time. If you begin to feel stressed in a relationship, reinterpret that response as your overactive stress system as well as take some deep breaths. In fact, why is it necessary that you believe that someone (boss, spouse, child, etc.) is driving you crazy? You can choose how you respond particularly when you know that your responses are more a product of your thoughts than the neural reactions.
4. Think of others first and you will find your relationships changed for the better. I know that we often are encouraged to look out for ourselves because we are told that no one else will do so. However, that is not the way to build and improve relationships. Yes, there will be misunderstandings. It's important to maintain communication and keep the previous three principles in mind.
As you can see, the state of your relationships mirrors your physical and mental health and well being and affects your brain for good or bad. Yet, good relationships with others may be one of the easiest health strategies to use. You don't need to take pills, buy fancy exercise equipment or go to a gym, or spend much money. There are many ways you can improve your relationships, build your social connectedness, and help your brain. It's your time.
Good luck on your journey!
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information on these and related topics, please see my website at www.successandmindset.com