Yes, I realize that the title is not the best English. However, it does reflect how we inquired of one another as to how the day was going in Italian New York where I grew up. Alas, as we all know, some days do not start out well as there are many frustrations which occur in life. Need I name them? Get up late, freeway traffic, conflict with a co-worker, to name just a few. Get the picture?

So how do you deal with these upsets? You can let them take you to a level of distress where you declare, "This day is awful", or my favorite, "I'm so stressed". When this happens, your day will spiral downward. But it does not have to be this way. You can make a conscious choice to be less upset and happier. A lot of this choice has to do with what thoughts you think when upsetting events occur. I was watching a television program yesterday where the interviewer was speaking with an Army Captain in Afghanistan about how he managed to control his reaction to stressors, such as getting shelled with rockets. The Captain pulled out a laminated card he kept in his pocket and read his Rule #1: My thoughts cause my feelings, control my thoughts and control my feelings.

Yes, you can turn a potentially bad day into a good one. Shawn Achor, author of "The Happiness Advantage", noted that “Studies show that when you’re positive, you’re 31% more productive, you’re 40% more likely to receive a promotion, you have 23% fewer health-related effects from stress, and your creativity rates triple.” So what can you do?:

Catch your bad mood quickly. I tell this to my patients and clients all the time. It is easier said than done. Even harder is to identify the source of your distress rather than globally saying "I feel bad, awful, etc.". The faster that you even notice that you have a bad mood, the quicker you can do something about it. This happened to me yesterday. I realized I was feeling frustrated and checked myself. I noted that I was upset because "I'm behind on several projects". What else might you say to yourself about this which would be even more upsetting? How about, "I never get anything done, I'll never catch up, I'm not very capable"? As you can imagine, the latter statements are thoughts which will drive more upset and distressing emotions. In other posts, I've discussed how to challenge these overgeneralized and untrue thoughts. Recognizing the thought is half the battle.
Find something for which you can be thankful. Did you know that neuroimaging studies show that it is very hard to be distraught and thankful at the same time? So ask yourself what are one or two good things going on at this time? In my case, it was that I was making some progress on opening over a week's worth of mail and was looking forward to seeing family members a little later. This helps restore perspective on what otherwise looks like a bad day.
Take an action. This will help interfere with and disrupt the negative trend. As I noted, I was making progress on opening, sorting, and discarding over one week's mail. I was able to record a victory, albeit a small one. Speaker/trainer/author Blair Singer, in his book "Little Voice Mastery", says we do not celebrate the small victories in our daily lives often enough.
Do something different. Change your routine even a little. Take a walk, go somewhere else, listen to music. Or, take some deep breaths. Aas neuroscientists know, breathing helps activate areas of our prefrontal cortex involved in positive, pleasant emotions.
Re-evaluate your expectations. If you set unattainable expectations, you're headed for a bad day. If I expect that I will complete multiple chapters on several books, review all correspondence, open over one week's mail, handle multiple administrative tasks, all in the course of a half day before going to an event, than I'm doomed to failure. It would be better for me or you to write down several short and attainable goals for the day. If you meet or exceed them, good, you will feel better. Again, be sure to celebrate your small or partial victories.
Learn from your day. Use the three part formula for helping to reduce future bad days and learn from them. First, note what went well. Second, note what did not go so well. Third, make a plan to build on the positives and either avoid or know how to deal better with the stressors which triggered your negative thoughts and feelings. I use this formula all the time with myself and with my patients and clients. It really helps.

While you can not control upsetting things happening in your personal and work life, you can control how you choose to respond to them. Stress is a choice and so is happiness. Change your thoughts and change your results.

Dr. Paul Longobardi

For information and posts on these and related topics, go to my website at www.successandmindset.com